In which locals get in my ear.
Lets see – what news? Well, this complete random guy came up to me in the street, a well-dressed gent. He said I had something in my ear. Next thing I know, in the middle of the footpath, with crowds streaming by – in a flash this guy has me in a kind of headlock, and he’s got something INSIDE MY EAR. Like, in seconds.It feels like metal. I dont want to move. There is metal in my ear.
Is a metal scraper. Next thing he is smearing ear wax and some white stuff I have never seen come from any part of my body ONTO HIS OTHER HAND. I don’t know what this thing is – all I can tell you is that it belonged on Embarrassing Bodies. Massive amounts of embarrassing, personal substances from inside me are being smeared onto his hand, like its an artists palette. Shock.
He must have three hands, cos somehow, he also dives into his bag and brings out an plasticised picture of him and some guy, and he’s saying “my friend, Malcolm”. He goes for the other ear. I come to my senses, throw his picture on the ground, whip out a hanky and wipe the excrescence off his hand, and tell him to go away.
He of course keeps walking with me as I walk off, talking like we’re old mates until he fades away.
I am pretty sure he was a pickpocket, but he didnt get anything from me that time. Excellent strategy as I can tell you having that done to you completely confuses you as he’s breaking about ten taboos a second.
Another day in India, the global capital of weird.
Yes. This.
We all just read through your emails and say your great photos. Thinking of you 5/6 V