Another day in the Global Capital of Weird.
In which locals get in my ear.
Lets see – what news? Well, this complete random guy came up to me in the street, a well-dressed gent. He said I had something in my ear. Next thing I know, in the middle of the footpath, with crowds streaming by – in a flash this guy has me in a kind of headlock, and he’s got something INSIDE MY EAR. Like, in seconds.It feels like metal. I dont want to move. There is metal in my ear.
Is a metal scraper. Next thing he is smearing ear wax and some white stuff I have never seen come from any part of my body ONTO HIS OTHER HAND. I don’t know what this thing is – all I can tell you is that it belonged on Embarrassing Bodies. Massive amounts of embarrassing, personal substances from inside me are being smeared onto his hand, like its an artists palette. Shock.
He must have three hands, cos somehow, he also dives into his bag and brings out an plasticised picture of him and some guy, and he’s saying “my friend, Malcolm”. He goes for the other ear. I come to my senses, throw his picture on the ground, whip out a hanky and wipe the excrescence off his hand, and tell him to go away.
He of course keeps walking with me as I walk off, talking like we’re old mates until he fades away.
I am pretty sure he was a pickpocket, but he didnt get anything from me that time. Excellent strategy as I can tell you having that done to you completely confuses you as he’s breaking about ten taboos a second.
Another day in India, the global capital of weird.
Yes. This.
I cant believe it. I washed my money again!
Money Laundering leads to big problems in Pune
So, I left a thousand rupees and change in my trousers when I washed them this morning. Thats them, hanging in the line. The watermark is still there: the money is fine. But its about three shades lighter than the rest of the cash going around Pune, which us usually the colour of dust.
Tonight went out with just this money in my pocket, and a little change.
No-one will take it! In shop after shop they hold it at arms length like its radioactive, scowl, and turn me away! Nobody has seen money this clean in Pune. I had mney in my pocket, but I was effectively broke. In the end I had to abort my plans,turn around and come home. The rickshaw driver, of course, wouldn’t take it either, so I had to run up to the apartment and bring him some proper dirty money!